The key to mental and physical health is having positive interpersonal relationships with your partner, friends, family, and peers. It is reasonable to experience occasions of feeling unhappy and have disagreements and differences of opinion with your partner and others.  Simple, everyday stressors can strain an intimate relationship, and significant sources of stress may threaten the stability of the relationship. If you experience long-term negative relationships with those closest to you, this will gradually impair your confidence, self-esteem, and physical health.  Most relationship problems are manageable with an effort from all parties, but when challenges are left unaddressed, tension mounts, poor habits develop, and the health and longevity of the relationship are in jeopardy.

Some common causes of relationship difficulties include:

• Different and conflicting goals/values
• Domestic violence, or emotional or verbal abuse
• One partner is experiencing depression, anxiety, or other psychological issues
• Difficulty achieving a reasonable work-life balance
• Lack of intimacy and trust
• Adjustment to life transitions (e.g., having children, managing illnesses, a death in the family, step-parenting, relocation, job changes, retirement)
• Communication, problem-solving, and conflict resolution
• Disagreements over finances or financial stress
• Different approaches to parenting
• Non-assertive communication style of one or both parties, and under-developed conflict resolution skills
• Differing needs for closeness and space limited quality time together, or one or both people feeling unsupported in the relationship
• Differences in relationship expectations and relationship needs
• Differences in personality and communication styles
• Experiences in previous relationships affecting the current relationship
• Sexual intimacy issues, including differences in libido
• Substance, or other addictions, such as gambling
• Poor self-esteem of one or both parties ( leading to sensitivity to perceived criticism, insecurity and fear of rejection)

Therapy

A psychologist can work with an individual or both parties in a relationship.  While it is generally best to work with both, productive work can take place by working with just one person.

In individual therapy, psychologists assist clients to identify unhelpful patterns of thinking or behaviour that are contributing to relationship difficulties, and support individuals to develop new skills and coping strategies.  From this approach, there is a close exploration of the relationship from that person’s perspective. Individual therapy may assist someone to get ready for couples therapy. It might also be helpful for individuals who are unhappily single, having problems with friends, or feeling bullied or uncomfortable in a relationship in the workplace.

In couples or relationship therapy, psychologists help both parties to identify the issues of concern that are damaging the relationship, resolve ongoing conflicts by uncovering unhelpful beliefs, expectations, patterns of communication and behaviour within the relationship, and help them to develop new skills and strategies that will foster better communication, understanding, and respect within the relationship. Both parties are assisted to reconnect and identify respective values and life goals and to regain strength and positivity within the relationship.

Psychological therapy can also help people with the decision-making process of whether to leave, stay or commit to a particular relationship. Therapy can also help individuals to recover from the distress of a relationship breakdown and process the relationship and break-up experience in a way that will enhance your self-esteem and positively impact future relationships.