While parenting can be satisfying and fulfilling, it can also be incredibly challenging, and time-consuming. Add to this parents’ hopes to bring out the best in their child’s lives by guiding and teaching them appropriate daily living and social skills, while also managing financially, and it is not difficult to understand how parents can feel overwhelmed.
Parents may choose to benefit from the support of a psychologist as new parents, or anywhere else, along with their parenting journey, to ensure that they are coping and parenting in the best way that they can. At The Avenue Place, our psychologists understand that parents are doing the best that they can, and we look to supporting parents in their role with special consideration to a family’s own cultural and specific circumstances.
From the moment of announcing pregnancy or adoption parents receive an influx of extensive and often conflicting parenting advice and opinion from many different directions. Sifting through this, and indeed declining this advice, can be daunting.
So, what is good parenting?
An obvious few are the usually expected candidates, including:
- Keeping children safe
- Listening to children and spending time with them
- Providing affection, order, and consistency
- Setting and enforcing limits for children
- Monitoring friendships children make and seeking help for any medical or behavioural concerns.
Flexible parenting
Experts in child psychology and development generally agree that there is no one method of parenting considered to be “best”. At The Avenue Place, Shelley and Christine recognise that each family and family member are unique, and one parenting method may not work well for all children, which necessitate refinement of a parenting approach due to many factors, including a child’s unique personality and developmental needs.
United parenting
If parents are not united in their parenting style and communication with children, children may become confused about parents’ expectations, and reward parents with misbehaviour. Children, like adults, are natural born scientists, and can often spot differences in parenting a mile away! A common parenting anecdote involves the other parent will deny the child who has made inappropriate gain due to taking advantage of parents’ differences in an opinion such that the child asks for permission for something that they know.
Parents flexible worldview
A parent is often the most influential person in a child’s life, and parents religious, political and other belief systems often shape the child’s worldviews. Depending upon parenting a child can develop a more limited worldview, where they are less likely to seek out other viewpoints in adulthood, or be open to the ideas and views of others, different people and new experiences.
Keeping communication lines open with children, and being aware of outside influences. A child’s development will be influenced outside of parents’ control. Children may learn new ideas from friends, from the media, and at school. Regardless of parent’s efforts to keep their children safe and minimise trauma, factors such as peer pressure can lead a child to develop difficulties. Parents can play a pivotal role by keeping communication lines with their child open so that they can monitor, and if need be, provide support for their child which come up.
Raising a child can be difficult for many reasons, and some challenges which impact upon children and parenting may include:
- Illness or poor health of a parent, child or immediate family member, or other loved one
- Difficulties in a relationship between parents – disagreement in parenting styles, or lack of nurturing the relationship between parents
- Attending to the needs of an infant or toddler – which involves incredible physical and mental workload with routines predicted by the young person, which can lead parents to be stressed and resentful of the other parent
- Financial pressure and difficulties
- Time constraints, lack of sleep, etc.
- Relocating homes
- Change or termination of employment, etc.
- Change in the main caregiver role
- Physical, intellectual or other disability of a child or parent – which can make it difficult for parents to give children equal attention, leading parents to experience guilt and greater levels of stress.
A parent’s role does not instantly stop once their child has turned 18 years old, and increasingly in Australia young adults continue to live at home due to such things as the rising cost of living and difficulty entering the property market. Navigating parenting to an adult child can be complex, and though parents may want to continue offering support and guidance to their adult children, this may not be welcomed, and may even be refused. A psychologist can help parents to cope with feelings that involve powerlessness, and empower them to reach out and communicate with their children in a way that is respectful and likely to preserve important relationships.
If you would like to receive some support in your parenting role, please contact The Avenue Place to book a session with a psychologist, or you may prefer to arrange a complimentary 15-minute telephone to discuss your potential needs.